2 dreams - both important

I had a dream that a professor like character was telling me that Mohammad was an evil man. That he deserved anything he got.
He deserved to be destroyed.  He said to me that he KNEW this.  In a deeply emotional outburst I told him that this was frankly not true and I knew that he didn't know because he hadn't read any of the biographies otherwise he would have a different opinion.

I left feeling like I couldn't go back to school, I started missing classes and was stressed about it.  This felt like the same feeling like when I was in high school and the stuff with my Dad/Abuse/Prision.

Then I went to visit my friends, they were in this house just screwing around getting stoned or just gabbing.
I was apalled that they didn't see how distressed I was.

Then I was in circle sitting next to Khadim.  We were there doing our practice and working on something personal like we do.  A guy who looks like a combo of 2 friends of mine (who are know it alls) was like, "here is how I do this practice". I knew what he was going to do, he was going to cast circle and call quarters, but  thought he was going to use the shield of the magus. Khadim was like, "ok".  I was horrified at what was getting ready to happen. It felt like he was just showing off.  He *slinked* over physically and started doing the LBRP. He called the elements etc, and the mighty ones.

I felt a bolt of energy go through my body.  Khadim saw this.  Then we were in this circle and other people were like, "awesome job man!" and then another guy walked across and handed the circle caller a flyer handout with tarot meanings. He was like "here, here's a handout one of my students made." I felt like we were at a Con or just a social circle.

I looked at the circle caller and said, "you can't just cast the circle and wander off, you have to be present with it and hold this.  This is a very real container". He got grouchy and told me he knew what he was doing.  Khadim started getting sick and I said, You have to take this circle down.  He did it but didn't banish ANYTHING.  I went over to her and she hugged me strongly and said, you are my ilk.  I said, I had him take the circle down but he didn't banish anything.  I said, do you want to purify the space. She said yes. I said would you like me to grab some sage?  Khadim grabbed a piece of the rubble from the collapse of the circle and said, "We can purify it with this."

Second dream from today

My dream this morning had me thinking

Someone coming to break into the house, going to the doors and windows.
I was trying to lock him out, he had a weapon and was mean.
They were looking for someone and were fiercely angry at them.
At the same time these workers just showed up and started "fixing" things and doing them incorrectly, without my permission.
I couldn't figure out who ordered the workers and why they were trying to fix something so incompetently.
Several examples of this through the dream.
I told the workers that this guy was trying to get in the house.  They looked at me like I was crazy and continued to do their job.
I was pushing doors shut while the guy was trying to force his way in.
I tried to call 911 they didn't believe me even when I said this crazy guy is here trying to hurt us loudly and with an knife!
911 blew me off and I couldn't figure it out. I thought, the one time I really tell someone that I am hurting here they seriously don't help.
The man got inside through an open door that had no latch that I wasn't strong enough to hold. I was furious that this house was so deteriorated.
The house had a basement with a lot of old stuff, Shon's things like his pants with his wallet still in it. I wasn't sure why his wallet would still be there?
I asked the guy: what he is doing here with my house. Stalker said Shon stole some of my cows.
I asked, how do you know this was him.
He said he found a note with Shon's name on it at a bar and since he was the only difference he was the only possibilty.
I was like Shon's been dead for a few years and he looked shocked.
I said,  Shon was also vegan why would he steal your cows?
The man left.
The rest is inconsequential. 

I think this dream is a similar dream to the last one.

I am noticing:
There is something is wrong.
There is rage and the wrong people are being disparaged.
No one is listening to me even when I am telling them.
I feel like the clutter in the basement is perhaps stuff to be dealt with that is complex and underground... evidently around Shon and other things.
The house is dilapitated which would imply that self care has not happened or there is no structures built to help me.
Previous dream related: not able to go to school - taking this as not able to attend my religious training that is needed to build structures I need to make it through this.

I have a tremendous amout of grief here. I am still working on my relationship with Shon and his death.
My heart is hurting and I don't know how to talk about this or fix it. 
My thinking here is that there is no outlet to talk about a poly relationship death that was a spousal death for me.
I feel alone in this, my friends are friendly but not around. I have no practical tools to talk about it.

Likely I need to see a grief specialist to get a set of tools to help me.