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I am one of those people that has to be away for a while to appreciate things that I need. Often times, particularly in the matter of spirituality, we hit the plateau and then wonder what we are doing wrong. I have heard it said that every mystic knows that those times are part of the process and we just prepare for them. It is like a desert journey with a camel and I am literally letting the camel go where I know it knows there is water. I experience lengthy dry spells that are so hard so times to figure out how to cross.
Sometimes in the midst of this I also lose hope or question my intuition that I should trust the camel and ask it to change directions. It feels panicky to me because I can be so far out in the desert I wonder if I can get back to the oasis where I was before before I die.
Right now, I struggle with my spirituality in the form that it takes. I am an experiential person who loves deep ideas... but it feels like our world is one that values the ideas first and the experiential is something you should leave after you graduate kindergarten. I realize this is my own bias and a judgement on myself and how I work my spirituality. It is also a judgement on my larger faith community (aka the pagans in general) that is generally unfair and unkind. I know that you can go into depth in an experiential model but it requires quiet meditation too. For me, I need both like water and food. If I work in a system that only does one, I just feel like I start dying.
As a person, I need to dance and to pray. Not just any dancing, I need fire dancing, bonfire dancing, tribal chanting and drumming. And then, I need my Rumi poetry to remind me about this great wine that we have become drunk on, and the burnt kabob that I have become as I studied fire over the last few years. I need to sit in silence and be.
My path in Wicca has changed me. I was fearful that I would change on this path in a way that would lead me away from divinity, secretly fearful until a few years ago that we are in fact practicing some sort of self centered spiritual practice. So I was vigilant in order to maintain some sort of control just in case. But I have looked into the mirror, deep in my eyes and seen the soul, and it is the soul of God. The heretical I AM lives within me, not as an addition, but as the drop of water that contains the ocean.
And so, I am on a journey again, deeper into my mysticism. Deeper into Wicca, deeper in my dance. I will anoint myself with wine and become the divine lover once again...
...and I can hear Him saying, "shut up and dance" .
Sometimes in the midst of this I also lose hope or question my intuition that I should trust the camel and ask it to change directions. It feels panicky to me because I can be so far out in the desert I wonder if I can get back to the oasis where I was before before I die.
Right now, I struggle with my spirituality in the form that it takes. I am an experiential person who loves deep ideas... but it feels like our world is one that values the ideas first and the experiential is something you should leave after you graduate kindergarten. I realize this is my own bias and a judgement on myself and how I work my spirituality. It is also a judgement on my larger faith community (aka the pagans in general) that is generally unfair and unkind. I know that you can go into depth in an experiential model but it requires quiet meditation too. For me, I need both like water and food. If I work in a system that only does one, I just feel like I start dying.
As a person, I need to dance and to pray. Not just any dancing, I need fire dancing, bonfire dancing, tribal chanting and drumming. And then, I need my Rumi poetry to remind me about this great wine that we have become drunk on, and the burnt kabob that I have become as I studied fire over the last few years. I need to sit in silence and be.
My path in Wicca has changed me. I was fearful that I would change on this path in a way that would lead me away from divinity, secretly fearful until a few years ago that we are in fact practicing some sort of self centered spiritual practice. So I was vigilant in order to maintain some sort of control just in case. But I have looked into the mirror, deep in my eyes and seen the soul, and it is the soul of God. The heretical I AM lives within me, not as an addition, but as the drop of water that contains the ocean.
And so, I am on a journey again, deeper into my mysticism. Deeper into Wicca, deeper in my dance. I will anoint myself with wine and become the divine lover once again...
...and I can hear Him saying, "shut up and dance" .
